How to change myself?

i know that i cant change him... frankly, i dont want to.. he hurts me sometimes, and our problems stem from the both of us, but i love him... he's not abusive, and the things we fight about are rediculous... rather than trying to change us and fix us, i know i can only change myself.. i know i am too sensitive, i know i am not so book smart, i know i used to be a lot more confident, outgoing, and funny... i know i tend to get upset too quickly and need to learn to relax... but how? how do you start to change yourself, so that you feel it and your partner notices? i will do anything to find US again... i love him dearly.. i dont want him to want me to leave him... he is my man, his kids are my heart, and they are my life...How to change myself?
You know sometimes we may think he not abusive but treating u bad is abusive, starting fights that he knows is going to hurt well it is abuse... i know my hubby does the same thing he had me brain washed to feel bad about my self in all ways it is so sad but it is true! I enjoy myself more now then i ever did in the past becauce i have changed for the bettter... He always made me feel like i was the one who needed to change... but you know what it was me that needed to change and realize what my hubby was doing to me! Now i do not let him tell me i am ugly now i just laugh at him... And tell him he is ugly... but to let someone have that much control over someone life is sad! i know i lived with this feeling for over 20yrs... depressed as ever and thinking where did the love he had for me go! which now i know he never loved me cause no one treats someone so bad and can love them! please u are young do not let this happen to you! you are such a loving person to let someone drag u down that road! I see u in me when i was in my 20's thinking how happy i am and how i needed to change but honey nope he does or u need to get away from him or u will end up with me with kids and staying in a abusive marriage for my kids... I love my kids more then life it self with out them i have nothing with them, and having them happy is all i need to do to wake up in the morning and know that this is all worth it for them... but u look at your life with this man he knows things hurt u and he still does them he knows even if he treats u bad u will still be there u need to change to love ur self and find someone who will love u no matter what... i hope this helps and i will send u my email if u ever want to talk!How to change myself?
Counceling. Becaue you know what, even if you did all those great things of changing, things would be no better if he didn't do the same. So please, if he doesn't realize there are any problems nor willing to make changes then you need to drag his *** to counceling. !!!
you are never really try to make a relationship work, because a love relationship will need no work.



a man should be your perfect fit. your perfect opposite. he should challenge you, your love, you will love every minute.



but then again, thats fairy tale.



so my suggestion is be yourself, which is your fun outgoing self. dont let him cage you in.
You are very wise in knowing that you are the only one you can change! You've already stated that your fights are stupid, maybe if you didn't take things so personal, your feelings might not get hurt so often.



You might think about creating a new you! Go shopping for some new clothes, get your hair done, do things to yourself that would make you feel good about you. You have to love yourself before you can love anyone else.



Sometimes we get lost in life........maybe a night out with him without the kids, something romantic, something that would allow the two of you to get to know each other all over again!



Good luck to you!
Maybe you have ADHD. It can cause emotional reactivity in some people.



Seek counseling.
Wow I have that question on my mind. Me and my g/f just split up and I realize that we both need to work on ourselves before we can go on. I always wanted to marry her and was afraid of being hurt. Now I am hurt and alone. I am trying church and seeked help to try to change me over all. I just hope we can make it. I really love this woman and feel that I can not live without her. I hope it is not to late for us. You need to work on your self and have Faith. My a time apart will bring his eyes to the situation (like mind did with my g/f that I need to resolve the issues in my life so we can really start ours). You need to continue to work on you. If he truly love you then he will open his eyes and make the effort to change. Just hope you don't lose the faith that love will come around. See God sometimes give you signs that you need to change and somepeople get it and others don't So don't give up on him so fast. As one of Bob Marley song says it the best Time Will Tell.
You're right; you can only change yourself. Others are right, above, that counseling, preferably with a clinical psychologist, is a good place to start.



From what you've written - how you've lost your confidence and being outgoing and funny - I wouldn't be surprised if you came to realize he actually *was* abusive and that you've been brainwashed into feeling badly about yourself. But either way, that's where I would start.