WOMEN, what have you CHANGED about YOURSELF to make your man happy?

I just want to clear up a perceived double standard.





Women are notorious for trying to ';change'; men. You know... soften the ';bad boy'; or clean up the slob or sober up the alcoholic... etc.





But when I think about it.. MOST women don't seem interested in changing anything about THEMSELVES. Do they? How do you explain expecting other to change when you are unwilling to change yourself?





From what I've seen a lot of women will put on an act in the beginning of the relationship. Once they get comfortable they will show their REAL self. Once they show their true selves the man is expected to ';accept'; them for who they are HA.





So I'd like to ask the ladies and feminists about how much CHANGING they do for others? Especially the feminists who want everyone to ';change'; their treatment of women.





What have you changed about yourself to please others? Especially MEN.WOMEN, what have you CHANGED about YOURSELF to make your man happy?
I do understand what you are saying.





It is not fair to try and change another person.


We all need to accept each other as we are, warts and all.


If you can't do that, find somebody else.





Every person is unique, no one is perfect.





This problem affects men and women.


I was always told I should lose weight.


It's a bit difficult to fully recover your figure after 5 kids. they are his kids for goodness sake.





If you can't accept your partner as is, let them go, they deserve better.WOMEN, what have you CHANGED about YOURSELF to make your man happy?
i wonder how many women you just converted into lesbians with that post
Neither of us had to ';change'; anything.


I loved him as he was, he loved me as I was.


We love each other as we are now.
Well my guy prefers short hair (seriously). So I cut my long hair off. I needed a change anyway. It actually looks great - it's now kind of a 30's/40's inspired curly hairdo.
All he asked was that I wear more formfitting clothes. I didn't have a problem with that. But I don't put on acts with anyone. If someone needs me to be anything other than myself, why should I bother with them?
Every year I set up not only one New Year's resolution but at least three. Last year it was to reduce my gossiping, do better in Chemistry, and befriend someone outside my two main groups of friends. I accomplished two out of these three goals and am still working on the third.





I've asked my boyfriend what he's like me to change and he has yet to give me an answer. The only objection he's ever had to my behavior in our relationship is that I spend too much time talking to him at parties, and I've overcome that. The only thing i've asked him to change is to work on learning how to let an argument go.
Essentially nothing. We accepted each other as is.





I had to accustom myself to living with another person and sharing space. That was difficult.





The idea of changing anything about myself to make ';my man'; happy makes me gag. Nor would I expect him to change anything about himself to make me happy. Good God!!
Yes, I have. And then I decided that men weren't worth it :)


Wow, I can't believe you don't think women change themselves. My husband has changed me in a lot of ways, and I've changed him too. Our marriage is better because of it :) If you're not willing to change, DON'T GET MARRIED! That's my advice to you :)
I haven't done any changing for anyone. And I've not tried changing any man, either. The only think I've ever wanted is love for who I am, and the man I am with says he's never been happier.


Why?


Because I don't want to change him. I don't play those type of games. I had a friend who did that - changed a guy. She tried to get him to not be so abrasive with the way he talked, dressed, and it didn't work.





I grew up with divorce, and want to be in a relationship to where I am truly happy with someone who does love me for me. And I promised him I'd do the same.
hey you know what? there are just as many fellows out there that are determined to change a woman....no double standards here, just a segment of the human race being too lazy to find the right person for themselves...so they figure they can fix it.....and both sexes oblige or not in this attempt....heard the saying, i do ANYTHING to get him or her....well that thinking gets you this debate and people use it against you
Well Mike in the relationship thing a lot of people act better then they actually are to get with a person. (Don't lie, you've must have done it to) Everyone changes their attitude to impress someone. Sort of like making a first impression. It can be anything like trying to start a relationship to a job interview.





But I am the type of person that is willing to change for someone. But if you think about it all comes down to if you are willing to change.





I do not expect someone to ';accept'; who I am. If you do that's great, if you don't then that's your problem.





I am willing to change myself for anyone that I feel deeply about.
My hair color..my ex always told me I should let my natural hair color grow out and that it would look lovely on me and complement my features better. He was right, looked better and less expense/upkeep :)





He loved seeing me in red I was more than happy to oblige





Pubic hair-he requested the landing strip thing as opposed to no hair





those are the ones that immediately come to mind..
In past relationships, I became what he wanted %26amp; I was NEVER happy in the end. We'd break up, and I was myself again.





I have been dating the same guy for over 4 years now. We were friends for 1.5 years beforehand. We knew eachother's good %26amp; bad days. Hell, I had the worst cold of my life, and he still talked to me when my eyes were puffy, nose was raw, I was a mess. I dealt with him trying to quit smoking, which was him at his worst.





We didn't change for eachother in certain ways, but we did improve ourselves, like letting little things go %26amp; learning that ';my way'; wasn't the ';only way';.





So yes, we did change, but not for the sake of wanting to be accepted, but it was for the good of ';us';. I've changed for the guy, but I will never do that again. But if we both change for the better of ';us';, I'd gladly try.
I don't change for others.





That's right, give me a thumbs because you lack the ability to be true to yourself...
Do you ever stop whining, or is this all we can expect you to contribute when the adults are discussing?
It dosent mean they will change - wanting it and getting it arent the same thing. I used to do anything to please a man, I totally changed myself. However I learned that the most I could ever be was an insecure person if I constantly tried to be whatever they wanted of me. So now I dont change myself and I dont expect them to change.


Changing oneself as an individual is not the same as treating someone better





You say at the start that women expect men to change : -





';Women are notorious for trying to ';change'; men.';- and you say the same thing at the end of your Q, see below: -





'; Especially the feminists who want everyone to ';change'; their treatment of women.';





But its not the quite the same at the bottom. There in that second quote you are talking about feminsts changing the way men behave in relationships but at the beginning you seem to be switching and saying feminists want to change who men are as individuals, - where they go, who they are friends with, how they spend their leisure time (e.g. so called badboys going to nightclubs).


You cant say its not within a womans rights (or anyones) to be treated well in any relationship, be it girlfriend or boyfriend.


However if you really are referring to women wanting men to change how they dress and how they naturally act then that is unreasonable - there is a difference here.





Do you mean things that are the rights of anyone in a relationship (to be treated well - be they male or female) are annoying and you wish those pesky feminists hadnt made your relationships that much more hard work- or do you mean feminsts try to change who men are as an individual and person -i.e their tastes?? as far as im aware feminists have only asked for women not be treated as utterly useless and only good for one thing -sex. They havent said its anyones right to demand that someone change the way they dress, speak, act in public or what they enjoy.
Anyone who thinks they are going to change someone else is foolish...don't get me wrong, it can happen, but it happens because the other person wants to change.





And yes, you do seem to see more women who want to make ';projects'; of less than perfect (in their opinion) men, but what about the guys who want to marry young women so that they can ';mold'; them? I've seen this quite a bit, especially where I'm from. What's the difference? In either case, it is about what ';you'; (not YOU, of course, Mike) want, instead of of accepting the person as they are.





Oh, but some of the things I've tried to change: being more accepting of his lower standard of neatness (rather than try to change his standards), trying to more patient when it comes to miscommunications, and trying to listen more.
I changed... and changed back again into my true self.


And then I dumped him.
You sound like a BITTER man Mikey ...someone got scorched huh...





I think Change is Evolution..we all need to Better ourselves obviously we want the best for our partner as well...





Now if you are trying to mold someone to being a completely diff. person well then find another person..





But being with someone its so cliche but you want to be a better person, it s two fold its not ';the evil women '; trying to control you..its her bringing up something repetitive shes observed and you not being such a MAN CHILD and giving it some thought..
I once dated a man who pretty much hated everything I was. He always had something to criticize me over: what I wore, what music I listened to, what I studied in school, you name it. For a while, I tried to conform to what he wanted me to be, but I knew I was lying to myself, and I just ended up really miserable. I ended the relationship before things went too far. I would never surround myself with anyone like him again.
Quite a few things.





Appearance things, which are easy, so I don't count that much.





Habits I have, or ways I behave. Both of my boyfriends had things about me that they were really upset by, and we talked about them, some I told them to just deal with because they were extremely important to me to keep. Other, weren't as important, so I did change.





An example is that I have virtually no shame, I throw public fits and really never cared if people were staring or if I was being loud, etc., this happened twice with my ex around. It really pissed him off, it happened twice because the 2nd time it wasn't involving him, so I didn't think it was the same, then he explained for him it was just as bad, so that was it. Never happened again.





He generally just hated conflict in public, so as difficult as it was to never bring something up or argue in public, I respected that was important to him even though to me it was kinda stupid. Relationships are about compromise, and I did =o)





We spent years together and it never happened again. Both times it had happened were within the first year we were together.





There's a list of things, but those two should suffice =o)
What did I change? I changed my address when he got too critical. I can always find a man who will accept me as I am so why should I settle for one who won't?
When I was younger, yes, I changed myself a lot for my ex-boyfriend. I was insecure and wanted to be everything he wanted. Oddly enough, I found that overly compliant and submissive behavior bored him. As I got older, I learned to like myself and who I was. I learned that I am who I am and that I don't have to change for another person (though there is always self-improvement but again, that's done for oneself).





HOWEVER, as I've learned to have respect for myself, I've learned that we shouldn't try to change another person. A person is who they are. You're not going to change them--nor should you want to. Love them the way they are or leave them. I would never try to change my man (who I'm with now).





I fell in love with HIM--not who I wanted him to be.
Not because I HAD to, but because I wanted to:


My cooking repertoire


My tendency to sleep in the middle of the bed


My vow to never have children


My view on extended family


My last name
I went from wearing all black jeans to wearing blue jeans. I knew what he was like when I married him so why change him and he knew what I was like when he married me so why change me?
I dont want to change my husband as he is as perfect as the day I met him. I always try to please him by looking nice for him and love to make him happy. I try and do the fun and exciting things we did when we first met and treat him like he deserves. He doesnt make me do it but I dont want to let myself go and stop from surprising him.





The one thing he has changed is I wanted him to quit smoking as my aunty has had to have her voicebox removed from smoking and cancer. He said its the best thing he ever did and he couldnt have done it without me. I just want to make him happy as he does so much for me :)
';Nothing';...sorry charlie.
I'm single at the moment, but id never change just to please a man,and i wouldn't expect him to change either.


I cant stand men or women trying to change their partners,either they like the person as they are or they can find someone else.


If any man tried to change me,he'd be out the door, if its one thing i cant stand, its control-freaks.





Edit:Why, do you think women should change for their men?


Well if you do then you'd be no better then the women you complain about,the ones who try to change, their men.
Mike, look at how superficial many of these women's answers are. Mostly cosmetic issues.





';I went from loose-fitting clothes to form-fitting clothes.';





';I changed the way I shave my pubic hair.';





';I stopped dying my hair.';





';I started wearing different colored jeans.';





I don't think any of this compares to women that try to revolutionize a man's entire self-image, philosophy, creed, personality, likes %26amp; dislikes, goals, aspirations, political views, etc.
I can tell you a few things a women has done for me.





Since the economy is so bad I lost my job and I was unable to pay my rent or my car. One good friend who happens to be a women let me stay in her house. She didn't care what I did as long as I didn't make a mess. She let me use her computer for job hunting. She including everything while I was there food, hot water, etc. She had 2 cars and she lent me one of then so that I can do whatever I had to do.





She was a very successful women and made a lot of money. I think she owned her own business or something.





When I did get a job and found an apartment she paid the security deposit since I didn't have enough money.





She is one of my very good friends still and she never once told me I needed to pay her back or if I owned her anything. She doesn't even mention it and it's been 2 years now. I've offered to pay her back but she doesn't allow it and dismisses me if I mention it.





It's hard to find women that generous but their around. I am very grateful to her and I think I am very fortunate to have a friend like that.