would or did you change who you are stupid things like how you dress because you had children?
what i mean is this mother just wrote about how people say crappy things about her because of how she dresses and there was someone who answered that said something along the lines of ' if how you dress hurts your children's social life then you should tone it down a bit'.
does anyone else agree with that?
i thought that we as parents are SUPPOSED to be teaching our children acceptance and tolerance for those that are different then us. but if we as parents start changing who we are or what we feel comfortable wearing or whatever the case is to fit the 'social norm' what does that teach our children?
i mean if a parent has to change themselves to feel accepted or to not be talked about then doesn't that just teach our children that we can't be comfortable in our own skin unless others approve? isn't that what we should NOT be teaching?
just curious to see what other parents have to say about the issue.Did/would you change yourself for your children?
Well yes and no.
I think along with acceptance...we should also teach our children common sense and self respect and appropriate dress...
I think there's something to be said for a child that is embarrassed that his 50 year old ';cougar'; mom drops him off at high school dressed like Brittany Spears...or if his dad decides to drop him off while dressed in drag.
I mean honestly...acceptance...ok..it's important...but do you not raise an eyebrow when you see an older woman inappropriately dressed?
I don't voice it to my son...but do I think in my head ';Jesus woman act your age';...hell yes I do.
I think that we should all behave with a measure of decency and that includes our style of dress, that's not to say that ';moms'; can't be hotties...but do we need to wear the clothes we wore in high school while we drop our kids off at boy scouts? NO.
Not only do we need to teach our kids acceptance ...we also need to teach them the appropriateness of appearance.
Just like you wouldn't send a middle schooler out the door in a onesie...you shouldn't drive him to school in a Daisy Dukes and stripper boots.
Certain things are appropriate and certain things are not.Did/would you change yourself for your children?
Being a young soon to be mommy, i have thought about this in depth.
I personally don't believe you need to change who you are for your children. They love you no matter what you wear, dress, smell like, listen to, ect. So, if they don't mind, why should I? Its still my body and mind whether i'm a mommy or not. So if I still want to dress like I'm 18, I plan to. It doesn't make me any less of a mother. I still love my little ones to death and take good care of them all the time. My personality doesn't change that.
OMG yeah like I look at some clothes and think mom's don't wear that lol.
I used to wear lots of makeup before my son, got lost of makeup and don't even touch it.
Before him I used to have perfectly manicured nails.
yeah you get busy with children and have to make lifestyle adjustments but i dont think you change deep down
It's funny I have actually been thinking about this for the past few weeks. Over the past year or so I have really let myself go. I haven't exercised or shopped for myself and I really just haven't taken care of my appearance. Well, I just had my second daughter and it has made me realize I need to start taking care of my appearance. Meaning I need to start dressing nicer and looking better. Not only for myself but for my kids. It's important for children to have parents who take care of themselves. And it's important to look good when you're a parent. I remember my mom showing up at my school when I was a kid dressed very ugly and I was embarrassed. I always wished she wore trendier clothes. Now that I realized it, I want to look better for my kids so they won't be embarrassed by their frumpy mom by the time they are in school. So yes, I am changing the way I dress for my kids. I believe it's important to look your best not only for your own confidence but for your children as well. I don't think there is anything wrong with changing how you dress for your children.
Yes, you should change things like this for your children. So many people say ';it's my life and I can do what I want'; but seriously, if you are going to be a mommy it is time to grow up, cover the boobies and act like an adult. People who do not change their appearance are obviously self centered and trashy. No respectable person dresses like a floozy anyway. Luckily I had already began the transition into adulthood and did not have to change my appearance dramatically.
where do you draw the line? would it be ok to dress like a hooker and go to a parent teacher conference?
I don't know that I changed FOR my children, but I definitely changed BECAUSE of my children. I am much more aware of how my behavior, clothing, the way I speak, etc. influences them. They are such blank slates.
I think that some people become a mother and think that they need to fit a certain mold and be a certain kind of perfect mother. Our children need to learn what each of us individually has to offer. However, we should be striving to show the best and encourage them to be the best that they can be. She should help them develop qualities that will help them be successful in life.
In becoming a mother, a woman should not try to be someone she isn't, but she most certainly should be a good example and be the best woman that she can be.
If some mother just wants to sit around and be lazy and not teach her child anything, she's teaching her child laziness...and also not helping him find his own self well. That child has unfound potential...and that was that mother's job to help him discover it.
In your example, a mother who is dressed like a sleeze really should change. Parents should set an example of loving ourselves and not dressing like a tramp to be noticed. If you are dressing crazier than the teens, there's something wrong.
This goes back to the age-old argument that we shouldn't judge people by what they are wearing. That advise is supposed to be applied to whether someone is dressed poorly or richly. Not whether someone is dressed appropriately or too loudly. You can encourage your children to not make judgements on people because of their ';look';, but the truth is, the world does judge. When your child shows up to a job interview, they have to know that they can't show up in pajamas. They aren't going to get a corporate job looking like they just stepped out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. There is a time and place for different types of clothing. They can have fun and dress like they out clubbing when they are out clubbing. When they are ';at work'; being a mom, they should also dress appropriately.
that's an interesting question to which i'm not sure i know the answer. generally speaking, on things like clothes, no, i don't think i would. i don't want my friends, my kids, *or* my kids' friends to be the type of people who would choose their friends based on what someone wears. but there are some things i'd change for my kids. for example, i'm pretty introverted, but made a big effort when one of my kids was diagnosed with social anxiety to become more social so that i would be modeling healthy relationships for her.
the only thing thats changed about the way i dress is that ive gone up a size lol, i wasnt too bad before. im a pretty stylish person...but of course id say that;) i wouldnt change wanting to look nice and presentable because i have a child...ok if i used to wear a belt round my bottom, and a see through top i think my teenage daughter would be mortified(when she gets to that age)...but still nothing wrong with things that flatter your figure obviously not bordering trashy...curvy or skinny, it promotes a healthy body image.
When i was younger, my mom would show up at school for a parent teacher conference wearing tight, velvety pant/shorts, with a spaghetti strap shirt on, and at this time she wasnt very thin, and had hairy, white legs.
if i dressed like that, then i would change.
basically, i would never dress in anything that makes me seem promiscuous (sp?) or all out embarrassing like how my mom dressed.
Everything else- clothes not matching, being out of style, un-ironed, etc. i dont care about.
All that is important to me is: is it clean? do i have any fat showing? is the weather right?
thats all i take into account.
my kids, well, they can wear whatever it is they feel comfortable in, as llong as they arent flaunting their bodies.
I don;t think that you have to change but for me it was more of a shift in what my priority's were... I don't see me taking 2 hrs to get ready to go out is a good use of my time. I mean if my hubby and I are going out on the town then I will get all dressed up but for the every day stuff I would rather spend my time with my kids instead of my hair. I didn't change what I wore really but I did find that some of my stuff and babies didn't work well together... like I don't want to have to worry about showing too much when I bend down or when I'm holding my baby...
Yes I did change. I actually did a 180. Kids don't need to be around crazy, stupid stuff.
no way! they need to learn to live with me and my outlandish life style!
Well here's the thing;
Everything in life is a phase. You have a phase as a child, as a teen, as a young adult, newlywed, new parent, you see where I'm going with this.
During all these phases you age and change and your lifestyle reflects that. You should naturally change, for example, the way you dress to reflect the stage of life you are in. I don't know about you but I don't want to be the 47 year old mom in a thong and lowrider jeans. Even if I had the absolute best body in the world and could pull it off, it is inappropriate.
Now, this is for most people and it is the socially accepted norms. If you are comfortable dressing for a phase you are no longer in, then that is your choice but you have to understand that there ARE social norms. Think of a job interview, of being married, of going dancing, of being in court. There are expectations for these occasions that most people abide by. It is just a fact of life.
Would I teach acceptance - yes I would but would you want you child to dress in a leather mini and a halter for their job interview. You also have to teach that there are social norms and fallout for not following them.
I didn't change the basics of how I dress. I do try to be a little more conservative when going to their schools though if I have to go to a meeting or something. But pretty much I look and act the same. I refuse to give up everything that I enjoy to try and fit some image of what a mother should be. I've had people put me down for being the mom with tattoos and piercings. And generally those that put me down had kids that were failing and always in trouble....while my kids get A's and B's and pretty much stay out of trouble.
I don't know....I never cared too much about the social norms and at my age I don't think I'm going to any time soon. My kids don't know me any other way and seeing as how my 5 yr old asked me to redye my hair pink I don't think they care too much.
In Theory I agree. But we're dealing with Reality here, it would be great if kids didn't have to pay for something as simple and as personal as the way a Parent dresses, but they DO!
Let me give you an example...
Two boys that were on my sons Youth Football Team (both Great players) had a mom with a fabulous body so she would come to practices wearing Belly Shirts and Short
Shorts...she looked great, BUT her boys were Razzed and Teased about their Mom SO Mercilessly by some of the other boys on the team that they quit and never came back even though they were good players and an Asset to the Team...so YES I Would change the way I dress if it affected
my children. You Bet...In A Heartbeat!
hey, Tired and Cranky! it's me --the Witch Mom! lol! i love your answer to my question btw. thanks!
i guess if if dressed like an el cheapo slut when i was younger, then indeed i would change for my kids. but i never did dress like a tramp. wearing black is hardly a thing that would destroy my children's social lives. and i do wear my more formal blacks and boots (haha!) during PTCs and school events. so i can still keep my style but i can also choose to upgrade my style (STILL my style) to fit an occasion.
parenting has nothing to do with how you dress. then again, that's a witch mom's opinion. :P
I no longer attempt suicide.
I changed some. I started wearing nicer clothes in hopes that I would be taken seriously at job interviews. I cut my hair shorter so my kid wouldn't spit up in it and it would look nicer. And I have gotten rid of a lot of old friends.
I think there is a balance you need to reach when you have kids between being yourself and being what society will accept. You need to dress in a way that will let you obtain and keep a good job and in a way that will not scare off the other good parents. You also need to be careful who you hang around with for many, many reasons.
That does not mean you have to become a clone of every other mom out there. But still - there are limits. My ex has become very hard headed. His refusal to ';fit in'; has led to him being unemployed and mainly low-lives being attracted to him. He doesn't understand why nobody will give him a chance. I don't understand how he expects places where he would be seen by customers to hire a guy who almost always finds a way to wear naked ladies and doesn't want to be separated from his headphones that are almost always playing something inappropriate.
I fully agree that if it hurts your children's social life you should tone it down a bit. ... Unless you are doing something that you believe is important. If it hurts your kids' social life that you recycle - keep doing it. If it hurts your kids' social life that your arms are covered in tattoos of death and gang signs from your young and wild days - wear a long sleeve shirt.
Being a mother changes who you are and there is nothing anyone can do about it.
it is a welcome change that i would do again and again if i had the choice.
It's inevitable, you will change when you have children.
Yes, I absolutely would have to change to have children...which is why I chose not to have any. Not everyone is cut out to be a parent, and when I was younger, I certainly wasn't. Now I'm 46 and I'd make a great parent, but I still don't want any kids...lol. It's a bit too late now.. but I've never regretted my decision.
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