What am I missing? What should I do? Am I doing the right thing by trying to be different...or should I just continue to be myself and hope that she adapts?How do you draw the line between changing yourself for someone, and correcting behaviors that lead to conflict
There is a difference between offending or hurting someone and them finding or choosing to be offended or hurt.
If there is conflict concerning the manner in which someone reacts towards you, then you need to determine how much of that conflict is due to your own actions and how much is due to the manner in which they react. Then find some balance in the way you behave to offset any valid reactions to your behaviour they might have. If they are over-reacting to your behaviour, then they too need to find a balance.How do you draw the line between changing yourself for someone, and correcting behaviors that lead to conflict
we all put on a '; air ';while dating, but we are who we are in the end and true colors surface sooner or later, hopefully we dont marry them in the meantime,
woman dont appreciate a mans sense of humor, read the book men are from mars and woman are from venus it gives some insight into womans thinking,
Find a new girlfriend that isn't so uptight.
some people don't like people that joke around all the time its a time and place for everything okay. she knew that you joked around when you she became apart of you and yes this is your personality perhaps you need to find someone who is compatible to you. Best of luck
Instead of joking about something negative about her, joke about other things so that it doesnt hurt her feelings. This is likely bringing her self esteem down, and could lead to larger problems. You are still being yourself if you stop making her the key to your jokes, use someone else instead. You are making her feel bad by doing this, how would you feel if she made fun of you over things and it hurt you as well? Just be careful of what you say and do, and make sure that it is nothing negative about her.
If she enjoyed your joking personality before, and is now suddenly more sensitive to it, there could be something going on with her. You know like hormones or something. Maybe she is depressed. She might want to see her doctor. It is very nice of you though to be sensitive to her feelings.
yes there is a difference and i think you are touching on it a bit but i guess the best way to be you and spare her feelings is to think about her threshold for insults because most jokes are exactly that. you know her pretty well right. so as long as you can make her laugh and still maintain her feelings then i think you wont feel like you are not being yourself so much. so you don't have to joke less, just joke smart.
I say I follow my priunciples first and foremost. They are not for sale, cannot be compromised, and if they are brought into question, they are off limits for changing. They are the core of who I am. Beyond that, I'd say I would change my behaviors if I could see it was hurting her. There is usually a compromise involved, though.
I don't think that you are hurting her feelings by joking. However the topic is what she is being upset about.
Think about it, is it really a joke or poking fun at someone
else expense. My husband likes to joke as well, I thought he
was very funny and that I guess is one of the many reasons I married him. I can tell you that when his jokes turn into insults I do not find him that funny. So, I can relate to your girl friend. No one is asking you to change but, one persons fun is an insult to another.
if you see that something is bothering her just try to think before you speak..u dont have to change for nobody but we all need lessons so that we can grow..this is how we grow....when people tell us about ourselfs.its not 2 hurt us..but to help us...we have 2 step back and examine ourselves and say hey you know what maybe if i improve this area then i can get a different result...remember this there is a time and a place for everyting...its a time to play, joke, be serious etc...learn these things and it will make you a better person. if u choose to stay the same then you might want to consider choosing a different mate
You need to ask her what is on her mind. Something else is probably going on in her life right now and so she is a little more on edge. She may want to talk to you about something but is having a hard time.....this would make her more ';sensitive'; to comments, jokes.
Talk to her and ask her what is going on in her life right now. Does she feel the same about you now?
You may have to break out the ';us'; conversation and see what is going on.
what is your jokin behavior? if you've been this way with her all along then she should be usto it by now,,,my hubby makes comments about other women,,and i tell him like this,,,u can look all u want ,,but dont comment bout them in front of me ,,is disrespectful,,would be like me sayin (while he is beside me) wow look at that package that guys carryin around ,,wonder if he deliver's ,,,which i would never do,,,but then i will usually say,,just make sure she takes the kids on the weekends,,,jokin back to him, its all in how comfortable you are in the relationship,,if she really knows u mean no harm than u shouldnt change to suit her,,
I had the same problem....
It sucks when you can't be sarcastic...or joke around without her feeling like you hurt her....
I mean unless your saying some real terrible ****, I think its a clash in personality....
give it some time...girls hormones really effect their moods and its not ther fault...they can be super sensitive...
hopefully it goes back to normal....so you'll just have to keep testing the waters....
unfortunatley sometimes you really don't get to know a person 100% until your waist deep in the relationship...
this one could go either way....
If her feelings are getting hurt by your jokes then change your jokes. If you change yourself to suit her then you have a new set of problems. Maybe she isn't sure of the relationship and needs to have a serious talk to feel reassured. Talking seriously about your relationship with her should relieve some of the pressure you're feeling to hold back. If your jokes are directed towards her in anyway, you may need to rethink your punchlines, before you say them.
Hey, you!! You said your girlfriend is completly aginst changing someone and you too. So I don't understand why you are doing it although you refused it. You love her and she loves you. May be you love her more than she does. So you make her feel good and happy. But you are getting depressed and uncomfortable with yourself. This should not happen not in a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. Aren't these nice little flaws the reason why you love her and she loves you. In mind you should keep on joking around and be just yourself! If she loves you, she needs to adapt your whole personality and not only the parts she likes. That you love her is obvious, you try to change for her, but think about it, is it that what she really expected from you to change. May be she likes getting mad about you, because you tease her?
some jokes just aren't funny. my boyfriend does the same thing. If the other person is not laughing then its not a joke, it's hurtful. Also, sometimes it just has to be the right time and mood to say certain things. Like my boyfriend can say something one day, and im soo into it, but on another a occasion, it may hurt my feelings. Let her now that they're just jokes and that they are coming from a place of love, not hate. Try to sense whether she is even in the mood to joke around or not...good luck
Relax! I understand your point totally now. Is it to change or not to change all under the umbrella of ';Love';.
Well, take your breath and let me tell you that by posting this question here is a sign of ';change'; in yourself even if it was involuntary. You mean by a way or another to keep your personality at same time holding back your ruling self to a kind of refined tame. Love is a change in itself ... can you count that changing not to hurt her feelings is a good change keeping you both with one another ... I guess you mentioned ';I love her';, isn't it a change in your physical and mental attitudes towards her and I guess its happening to her too? Can't you understand that she is changing too the way you ';joke less'; in other ways suiting your character?! May be you cant realize that coz she is exerting an effort to keep your love ...
Love demands a subtle change ... to keep each other, no matter the cost might be.
I am willing to change if love was the reward.
Try it ...
Experience is my sweet bitter tutor.
I don't think a relationship is about who has to change. A relationship is about loving someone enough to consider their feelings in any given situation.
What are the jokes about? Her? Other women? If you are making jokes about her or remarks about other women, I would have to say.......grow up!!! No woman wants to be joked about or laughed at by anyone, especially the person they love. No woman wants to hear jestures or comments coming from their boyfriend about another woman. That is just flat out rude and disrespectful. Sure you can look at the menu, but that doesn't mean you have to drool over it or act like a dog in heat. This behavior only causes issues with trust and builds resentment.
My suggestion is for you to put yourself in your girlfriend's shoes. Pretend she was ';joking'; around with you like you do her. How would you feel? Putting yourself in someone else's shoes is usually the best way to clarify the problem.
Jokes are great and everyone loves to laugh, but when the joking becomes personal in some way...';the joke is over';.
I have no idea what your situation is, but I have reason to believe that if your girlfriend feels offended by your joking behavior it is effecting her self-esteem or causing her to feel unloved and insecure.
Set down and talk. There is no greater bridge than communication. Find out how she feels. Tell her how you feel and find out what her anxiety is stemming from. If you truly love each other as you say you do, there shouldn't be anything you can't work out together. Good luck!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment