How can you change yourself?

I really want to change some things;



like being controlling.

needing to be more patient.



but i don't really know how to do that.



oh and arguing - how do i stop arguing.How can you change yourself?
There are some basic social premises to your attitude, that need to be corrected. An example would be that you grew believing you could change things or people with your argumentative nature (I know, you didn't say you argue constantly), In order to quit or eliminate the temper, you need to find another way to handle it. Understanding that you cannot change everything or need to change anything is really an awakening that doesn't come easily but none the less is achievable. I would suggest you start by getting a book called ';The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari'; Not spell binding but definitely has the basic information you need to start you on the right track.



You may also need to include your significant other, as having someone close to you that is a willing participant in arguments is not a good thing. I believe your impatience can be controlled with the same self help book(s) that will help you eliminate your mean or non-understanding attitude that causes you to defend or aggressively go after those you agree or disagree with.How can you change yourself?
well those are some pretty hard things to change and usually the change doesnt happen over night, it takes time...alot of time. about arguing, i have had a hard time with that over the last few years and i found a method that helps me. if im in an arguement, i count to 10 before responding-this does two things. it helps you calm down alittle and it also makes you think about what you're going to say, instead of just blurting out something hurtful. about being patient, just practice it, and think of the other person ur impatient with....put yourself in their shoes. im not sure about what to tell you about being controlling-thats something i struggle with too. just have a ';go with the flow'; attitude. ...not sure if that makes sense but thats what helped me. remember that all this stuff takes time....just be patient and you actually have to want to change. goodluck!!!
You sound like my sister lol. Sometimes people act like this because they are insecure. You need to work on that, and everything else will fall into place. If I am correct, then most of your arguments and your controlling nature revolves around the same person...perhaps your boyfriend or husband? If so, figure out what about your relationship is making you insecure and work on that.
Find a good role model that you can look up to.



You have to always keep yourself in check. If a situation comes up where you're (for example) about to continue arguing with someone, just stop yourself, be quiet, and let it go. Eventually, if you do this often enough, it'll become a habit.



If you can't change the situation, change the way you think about things.
First of all you need to determine why you have the impulse to be controlling. What is behind that. Until you know why you do it, you are less likely to be successful at changing it. Its like trying to diagnose what is wrong with a car, until you know exactly what is broke, you can't properly fix it.



Many people who are controlling do so out of fear. Fear that if they don't have control of things, they feel 'out of control' and helpless. Which can be a really scary feeling. And if you have a hard time trusting others, it can be scary to rely on them to handle things that affect you.



That internal drive of fear has alot to do with patience also. And the arguing you mentioned. The need to be right, and not able to let things go. Built up anger, resentment, etc.



It also can be related to not learning effective communication skills from family while growing up. There is a way to have control, yet at the same time be allowing others to do as they see fit. By being in control of ourselves and trusting that we are ok, then it doesn't have as much impact on us when others 'do' things. We need to examine our own insecurities and find out why we need control in a negative way vs. being in control of ourselves.



There are many resources out there to read, google the topics and see if you find anything that you can identify with. Review what suggestions are given and see if those help.